Chapter 22: Drawing Your Halves Together To Make a Whole
Are you enjoying getting to know the characters in White Heart? Do you see any one that is like you? We are moving toward the end, and watching how Madeleine is managing the challenges that come her way.
This chapter reveals more of Robert LaSalle. He writes letters to Madeleine in which he talks about his efforts in King Louis XIV’s court to manage the courtiers, scheme for funds, and finally get the King’s financial backing. Then he makes a transatlantic journey and arrives in Quebec sick. Madeleine, impatient from waiting for him, goes to nurse him.Madeleine finds Robert difficult to understand. Her feelings for him are on a roller-coaster. She gets excited when his vision for further exploration seems attainable, and then drops into disappointment when Robert shows no interest in her goals. When she presents him with a ceremonial cape that she has made, he shows a range of emotion: thrilled, proud, aroused, and finally coldly professional in that order -- all within ten minutes! Madeleine comments to Annie: “He’s intimate and aroused one minute, and then gone!”Robert even admits to Madeleine that he feels like “two men”. “I can manage tribal negotiations and. . . . the perils of the sea with more courage than I can face my feelings for you.”This two-sidedness of Robert is a personality trait that flows throughout the novel. Does this split in Robert, between his being a private person with strong emotional feelings and a public servant with clear professional goals, ring true to you? Maybe you know someone like Robert. Do you find that person difficult to deal with – the rapid shifting from one type of personality to another, depending on the situation he is in? Do you ever feel like you are two people? Perhaps there is an outer self and an inner self, or a public self and a private self?This problem of “splitting” within a person is a result of a poorly formed identity. Difficulties during the development of the Self cause a person to “split”. Babies split between rage and contentment all the time. As they mature, they learn to integrate these extreme sides of their personality.When you deal with a person who tends to “split”, hopefully you have your own identity firmed up. A solid sense of who you are is the best tool to manage a relationship with a two-sided person. No matter how he is acting towards you, you know who you are, and what matters to you. So you hang in there.
Author’s Tidbit
To a certain extent, we have all had that problem of having two different sides of our personality. We act one way around our loved-ones and family, and then step our behavior up a notch when we are in public. You can see this in children: they hold their behavior together during the school day and collapse into screaming meemies when they get home. My mom used to tell me: “The true you is what you are at home when things aren’t going well.”
Stress comes from having a big gap between the private self and the public self. It is emotionally exhausting to have to shift from one side of your person to the other.
Set this as a personal goal: Reduce your stress by making your public self more like your private self. For example, if you are very emotional in the privacy of your home, but quite rational and professional in your work, shift this balance. Try being more aware of feelings at work, and express them there. Then at home, be more rational and organized, and box-up your emotions somewhat. Balance is the key.