An Experience of Disobedience
The other morning the Lord woke me at 5:25 a.m. (I remember seeing the bright red numbers on the digital clock glaring at me) and suggested I get up. The time was at least one hour before my usual rising time. And I had been up later than usual the night before. I heard His voice within me say:“Let’s get up NOW; I have things for you.” But I ignored His suggestion, and rolled over, snuggling deeper into the bedding where it was warmer. I pulled the covers over my head so I couldn’t see the clock. Yet the voice persisted. And I resisted. The next forty-five minutes my soul battled between my desire to stay warm and comfy, during which I was enjoying the fuzz of sleepiness, and God’s prompting to rise. I remained restless and conflicted in the dark and did not fall back to sleep. My human nature, my “flesh,” won that skirmish, I am ashamed to say. So at 6:10 a.m. I finally threw back the covers, and put on my housecoat. As I waked downstairs into the light, I asked, “What was that all about, Lord?” “You went through this because I want you to understand the attitudes that lead to one’s disobedience. Nothing big happened this time. You didn’t steal anything or injure anybody. But you hurt yourself. And you hurt me. You lost a precious 45 minutes that you could have spent heart-to-heart with me. When you were thinking ‘Oh, a little more time for myself’, I wanted you to be WITH ME.” So what disobedient attitudes had over taken me?
- I didn’t want my personal comfort interrupted. Isn’t that often the case in our walk with God? We are in a comfortable spot, our little safe and warm box, and He asks us to come out of it for His sake.
- As I lay in bed, I kept hearing my “sleep doctor” say (as he had several years ago when I was diagnosed with sleep apnea), “You need to make yourself take those extra hours of sleep.” So I respected and complied with a human authority over my Divine Authority. Certainly, when I do follow the will of a human authority figure without consulting God, I may be moving into disobedience.
- I grumbled and complained about the tiredness, the cold, the tasks of the day ahead. Just like the Israelites in the wilderness I griped about what I didn’t like, instead of focusing on what blessings I did have, ones I would have had if I were to get up and go the way God wanted me to.
- I wanted MY TIME, to do what I WANTED. In preferring selfish desires over God’s prompting, I lost out on time with my Beloved Father, who most likely had special blessings waiting.
Through this experience I was convicted of this fact:Our God is a jealous God.He loves me.He wants me to step out of my comfort zone to serve Him.And He wants me to treat Him as the authority in my life.He wants my gratitude, not my grumbling.He wants time with me. “Lord, I am saddened by my spirit of disobedience. Thank you for forgiving me. Let’s start afresh, my Beloved Father. Cleanse me and fill me with your Spirit. Amen.”In Christ,