Chapter 7: Couplings

I hope you had a nice weekend!  I went to a Quincenera of a lovely, poetic, fresh 15-year-old Puerto Rican gal.  The exciting cultural experience included a High Mass with the young lady stating her commitment to follow Christ into her adulthood. The church service was followed by a Puerto Rican dinner-dance afterwards. Just a wonderful time of celebration!What did you think of the chapter called “Coupling”? Did having the video last Friday as background help?In this long chapter we see more of Madeleine’s initial responses to sexual intimacy. Her observations trigger her trauma reactions, because of the P.T.S.D.  Of course, back in 1673 people did not talk about trauma, like they do today.Once Madeleine recognizes what was causing her anxiety, she starts on her road to healing.  Notice that one of the strategies she uses is to talk out what she is experiencing.  After a few days, she doesn’t shy away from her sickening feelings and her horrific memories.  She discusses them with her friend. Did you notice how Madeleine’s revelation to Cathering was a bit like peeling an onion?  As she talked about a superficial laye, it fell off, and then she saw the next layer. She talked about that one. And the process continued.What was your reaction to Madeleine’s realization that she had told her father about the abuse AND he had told her to put up with it?  Sadly, this kind of betrayal and inactivity from a parental figure who is suppose to protect the victim happens all too often.If abuse has happened to you, what do you think about forgiving your violator?  While counseling people, I have found that the concept of forgiving the abusive person is one of the hardest steps to take towards healing.  Do you think it is necessary?  What are your thoughts about the distinction between forgiving and forgetting?  On page 69, Catherine talks to Madeleine about forgiving.  Do you agree with that metaphor?I personally feel that the victim’s forgiveness of the perpetrator is the most important step towards full recovery.  However, such forgiveness is not humanly possible.  I have had to rely on Jesus and his Spirit’s power to give me the ability to forgive.  AND just because I forgive does not mean I forget.  The Holy Spirit gives me a sound mind. Keeping myself safe from a perpetrator is an important part of recovery as well.  In fact, if the victim is still in the presence of the perpetrator, recovery is severely compromised.I pray to forgive;  I pray not to forget.  Then I pray that the memories will be controlled by God’s grace so I won’t be incapacitated by anxiety or fear.

Author Tidbit:

One of the important decisions I had to make was how much sexuality should appear in this novel.  When there was sexual content how explicit should it be?  After much consideration I decided to be a bit “R” rated.  The reason for this had to do with Madeleine’s struggle with her own sexuality.  She was frightened by sexual encounters.  If I had been prudish in my writing I am not sure that the readers, particularly those that had been sexually abused, would resonate with Madeleine’s struggles.