How To Love Yourself in the Midst of SufferingAs a psychologist, I think the bottom line in suffering is pain — emotional, physical and spiritual.  But deeper inside of us, in the midst of that pain,  is fear.   If we could handle fear better, suffering wouldn’t be so difficult.So what is one solution to our fear?  Is it not love?  “Perfect love expels fear.” (1 John 4:18).  How does that happen?Let’s apply the characteristics of agape love, as we seen them listed in 1 Cor. 13: 4-7. Let’s learn to love ourselves in the midst of our pain and suffering.So how can we do that? For the sake of discussion, I am equating both physical and emotional pain, and the core of fear, with the experience of suffering.  When I suffer, I am in pain and I am afraid.  But when I suffer, I am empowered by God’s Spirit to love myself — not my own love, but the supernatural Agape love of the Heavenly Father.  What does this look like?Love is patient.  When I am in pain, I need to settle in for the long haul.  I aim to be “long-suffering.”  My suffering calls me to bear — for a stretch of time — with the offenses and injuries that I am experiencing.  I need to recall that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13).  And that God is the Creator of Time, so “time” is under his dominion.Love is kind.  Simply, I need to cut myself some slack, give myself a break and be merciful to myself.Love does not envy and does not boast.  My suffering is managed better when I stop comparing myself to others.   (E.G. “Their suffering is less than mine.  Woe is me.”  Or, “I am such a martyr — let me boast about my pain and agony.”)Love is not proud.  Here is the challenge — try to admit that you are in pain, and don’t go it alone.  Ask for help— for physical assistance, or a shoulder to cry on, or prayer support.Love does not dishonor others.  If the suffering is caused by the offense of another person, if you hold the grudge, dishonor them, and walk around with an unforgiving spirit, it will make things worse  So forgive them (or yourself!), and let go of the load of unforgiveness — you have enough to carry at this time.Love is not self-seeking. Stop looking inward at yourself.  When you do— by definition — you are taking your eyes off Jesus.  Remember that the hope of glory, the solution to suffering, is Christ in you.  Fix your eyes on Jesus. Love is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.   When pain comes at you, it is a human reaction to blame something or someone for it.  Sometimes we even blame ourselves.  But God calls us to shuck the anger and give up the “keeping a record of wrongs.”  Don’t be an accountant of the bad.  Stop recounting all the things that are not as they should be.  Don’t dwell amidst the destructive and negatives thoughts or reactions that come from your flesh or the earthly system.   Instead, shift your thoughts to those that come from the heavenly realms.  And count your blessings, not the injuries.Love does not delight in evil (injustice) but rejoices with the truth.  These two verbs “delight” and “rejoice” appear at first glance to be the same.  But in Greek they have one important difference.  “Delight” is chairo, an act done by oneself of being happy about something.  “Rejoice” is sygchairo, an act of experiencing joy with other people.  So here God reminds us to be in fellowship and share in the suffering with others.In summary, love will cast out our fears and reduce our suffering.  But we need to be merciful to ourselves,forgive as we have been forgiven,fix our eyes on Jesus and not on ourselves,and count our blessings in joyful fellowship with others. In Christ,