How Did the Apostle Paul Handle Shame?

As a psychologist I have learned if a person has an “ultra” trait, it is usually a reflection of that person’s concern about his lacking something within himself.  An “ultra” trait is my label for some thing that is “over the top”.  For example, an overprotective mother may be an “ultra protective”  mother  because she herself had not been protected well by her parents.  Or a man who is “ultra” prudish about the discussion of sexual activity may well have difficulty managing his own sexual drive. Or the person who is most judgmental is the person most afraid of being judged.  Let’s consider Saul, who was “ultra” judgmental.  I believe he was deeply wounded by feelings of being judged, or being shamed. Paul of Tarsus started out as a “Pharisee of Pharisees”, an “ultra” religious man named Saul.  The name “Saul” means desired. Saul’s father, a wealthy Pharisee and Roman citizen, may have doted on Saul. Saul bragged about being blameless before the law. Saul’s righteous zeal ravaged the early Christian church. He stirred up much controversy, harassed people, and sent them off in chains to prison.One day the Almighty God met this “ultra righteous” fanatic on the road to Damascus.  There the Resurrected Christ confronted Saul about his persecuting the Christians. Saul was struck down with blindness, and led away to the house of Simon the Tanner. There he prayed and fasted for three days, and emerged a different man. I believe that Saul’s “ultra” righteousness and his extreme punitive style with the Christians stemmed from his own profound sense of shame.  No matter how hard he strove to be perfect (i.e.every step of the law to be fulfilled), he never achieved freedom from his shame of being imperfect.  Saul struggled with this self-discovery in the early years following his conversion.  The end result was he renamed himself, “Paul.”  Paul means “small”, or “ceasing to exist” or  “being released from sin.”In the conversion experience Saul’s shame was healed to the extent that he became Paul.  He emptied himself and became small.  His self “ceased to exist”, so that he might be filled up by the Lord.When we study that scene on the road to Damascus, we discover three facts Paul learned.  These are keys to his shucking off his shame:1.  Paul had a personal encounter with the Resurrected Lord.  His shame was wiped away by the awareness that emotional and physical death is overcome by the resurrection power of God.2.  Paul heard the Lord say, “Why do you persecute me?”  With this he learned that Jesus himself (as the Holy Spirit) lived within each of the Christians who were the objects of the persecution.  If the Holy Spirit were living within him, how could there be room for his shame?  Indeed, Paul, freed from his shame,  wrote:  “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”3.  Jesus told Paul that he would suffer for the Kingdom of Christ.  With this understanding Paul realized that his weaknesses, his “wrongs”, his emotional and physical beatings would be used by God for the glory of Christ. This meant that his sufferings, including his past shame, would have meaning in the economy of the Kingdom.   The truth in Isaiah 54 (which Paul knew very well) was brought home:  “You will forget the shame of your youth. . . . the Holy One is your Redeemer.”If you are struggling with feelings of shame from your previous years, as I have, please meditate on these truths:  You know the resurrected power of Jesus.You have the Holy Spirit (God’s glory) living within you.You are promised that your shame will be forgotten and overcome by your Redeemer.  In Christ,